Belonging: something which seems to elude me...

       
      In the 21st century we have move past the boundaries of space. The whole world is open to us; we can read Russian literature in the language of our choice, learn how to read without ever taking a class and get information about any corner of the world (how reliable the info is, of course, no one knows!). The best or worst is that the whole world is open to us for exploring, and we are exposed to all it's elements, good  and bad.
               What really fucks me up though is that in this rushed era, no one really belongs. I grew up in a city from which I am miles away, studied in one which I doubt I will ever return to, and will most probably work in one where I knew no one six months ago! In the middle of all of this, I seem to have lost my sense of belonging. Am I a bengali? No. I am not, i can barely speak the language without all bengalis within earshot cringing at me killing its rhythmic patterns with my crude pronunciation. Am I a UPite, where according to my parents my roots lie? No. I have been there for a total of a 100 or less days of my life of 22 summers. I am the cosmopolitan mix of big cities, books and cinema fed to me by the global media and corporate hooligans.

          I used to think that I belong to places, to memories, to my home in Kolkata, to little lanes I used to pass by on my way back home, the food that I eat, the laughter that rang out, the tears I cried in the middle of any sob story or chick flick that I might be digesting. I used to believe that I belonged to myself. I used to believe I belong. I don't anymore
             I caught a movie with my friends recently, a chick flick which was a "ball teaser". But, what will forever remain in my consciousness is not the not-so-predictable ending, the to-die-for clothes and air-brushing, the crazy ass songs, but the fact that the more flighty character in the movie, (which is the lead female of course) belonged more than the organized mind and soul of the lead male. The movie might be a hit with loads due to it's fun factor, it's message or any other random reason which I am just to stupid to notice; but for me, the movie is about just finding a place to belong, to be yourself, for you! Just you.
           That is the place that I want to go back to, a place where (and here I will steal a line from one of the poets I don't really "get", Rabindranath Tagore), the mind is without fear. I have been there, I know it exists; I have just managed to, in the process of growing up and learning more, lost my way! It is the place where I belong and it is place that I will go back to (hopefully soon).