Brands: Hollowness of mind

                        Living in the 21t century, I and many others like me have witnessed the coming of the age of brands. I am from a country where the basic economics lay in the barter system, which for all it many drawbacks used to work. Now we live in a system where everything is under a name. A brand is just a symbol which stand for desirable qualities.
                      The funny thing about brand though is that although it stands to represent certain qualities, most of its products usually fail to deliver. It is sad that it has permeated all sections of our lives. It is not just prevalent in FMCGs( Fast Moving Consumer Goods), clothes , etc but have invaded areas which were personal. Brands are now part of sports, music and even the education system. I mean if you are from Lady Shriram you have to be good right? I actually three years in Delhi, the capital of my nation, where some of the most offensive and distrusted brands of our nation (aka politicians) reside. In Delhi, brands are big. I mean everyone wears Gucci glasses, Hilfiger watched and Aldo shoes. In fact the craze their is quite addictive. At one point I had only branded clothes in my cupboard, I had stopped eating, saving money to go shopping that bad was my addiction. Now I live in a different city, and looking back it just seems foolish somehow.

                  The worst thing about a brand is that it can be quite misleading. I have been a part of some of the country's most prestigious educational institutions. They are known to have a high brand value in the market. Guess what, they failed to meet my expectations. I had hoped to meet the crème de la crème of the society, sharp minds, active citizens, people who would inspire me to do great things. Joining some institutions I imagined I would walk the in the shoes of some of my personal heroes. That is the folly of a brand, it doesn't let an outsider gauze the hollowness inside.

             My disappointments range from simple shaking of my head to despair. The expectations I had were mostly slaughtered like a turkey is on Thankings Giving, with a lot of fanfare and show. The fact remains that it is slaughtering. My sister tells me that I shouldn't have had so many expectations, that my class is representative of the society outside. Thus, for me now the society as a whole comprises of - spoilt brats used to having their way; diplomatic and highly sly optimists; doped out wringers; confused about their sexuality individuals; groups based on "benefits"; confused identities; some really desperate ladies who need a good lay, love sick puppies; money, attention and power crazed people and quickly turning cynical realists! Of course there is a certain level of senile randomness and control freaks added for the mix of it. That is the society that I am to look forward to?

           I had hoped that this would be the case with just one or two of the top institutes in the country, but apparently, this is prevalent across the country and across the various professions. MBA institutes are rumored to be worse, and if by some of the accounts that I have heard are true even more debauchered  than what I deal with everyday. And all of this is covered with a blanket of formality, wrapped in softness of social politeness and shaded by the umbrella of brand. Thus, I wonder now, is all acceptable as long as it has the stamp of a brand? Are we all just spaces available for some alien brand?

Expectations: Dangerous line between delusion and reality?

                      "If you except nothing from anybody, you will never be disappointed" - said Salviya Plath, while Sharon Creech said - "What I have since realized is that if people expect you to be brave, sometimes you pretend that you are, even when you are frightened down to your very bones." What I find interesting is that both have spoken about the same thing, yet how both are talking about very different human takes on it. Expectations are bad, yet since the time when we can think for our selves we are "expected" to expect! Ironical no? 
                      I have expectations from everyone and everything, which is very different from trusting everyone and everything. I expect the clothes I buy to look good on me, the friends I make to be true, the people I love to love me back, and above all I expect myself to be able to take care of myself and make right and hopefully rational decisions. What is weird about all of the above is that the human race as a whole has been warned not to expect, and I can tell you all the above stated expectations have been crushed, not once but many many times in the past. In fact I am sure that they will be crushed again in the future, but that hasn't stopped me from expecting. No sir, I still do, which is weird, because if I can let myself down, anyone can let me down and vice verse. 

                 That's the funny thing about expectations, they somehow connect us all. We all have expectations, be it from a job, a city, a person, ourselves or life in general. Yet, we all know, that we will be disappointed. If you Google expectation, you will get over 60, 00, 000 hits in less that 20 seconds, yet almost all the ones that I glanced at warned me that it wasn't a good thing. Weird given that it is almost the same as hoping, but with expectations one is considered to be "setting oneself to get hurt", but hoping is seen as a positive by almost everyone (including the most cynical of people!). 

                   We, as humans, have been set up. They teach us not to do things that come most natural to us, and which is constantly supported by most stories we hear, most things we read, most experiences of our life. A politician comes out to ask for your vote because he knows that he is expected to do so, to make promises, whether he can keep them or not is another matter of course. In the same way, most expect a holiday on the day of elections, whether they vote or not is another matter! 

                 I am more of a cynical individual on this topic, yet I am writing about it today because I realised that even though I am cynical, even though I have learnt not to expect time and again, I still do. I still do! Bloody ironical, the fact that it is such as holy mess, of human nature, of lifestyle, of philosophy and even religion. My confidant would brush this off as "subjective bullshit", but I think it deserves a minute's pause and reflection....

Are we too quick to dismiss expectations, or is it stupid to expect expectations to come true?

Anti-hero: Just another curve ball life threw at me

         You know how every girl grows up listening to fairy tales about prince charming and the shining knight? Well, I am not very different. But I was one who always adored Batman more than Prince Charming, I always liked the dark and mysterious more than the fair and loving. What did I know that it would prove to me my pattern for the rest of my life? Childhood dreams are said to affect how a person functions much after they grow up and forget almost all of it, that is how deeply embedded they are in one's psyche!

         Growing up on the steady diet of classics, chick flicks and the wishes of a completely clueless friend circle, I ended up thinking that prince charming is right around the corner and life is but  a happy tune which is to be whistled to one's heart content. Alas, the anti hero of my childhood is more real than Cinderella's happy endings. The anti hero has been there for all to observe, but he is so well as disguising himself that most of us do not even realise that we are living right next to him!
        For those who have no clue who an anti hero is.Think Batman, think Micheal Corleone from the Godfather, think Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, think Chuck Bass from GG, think Sherlock Holmes and oh so many many more. They are not the bad guys, but they aren't the good ones either. They just are the way they are, no questions about it, no apologies, just them.  The most recent example would be that of Dexter. He is a murderer, he lives outside the law yet he kills bad guys! So is he good or bad? I really don't know, but for me he will always be the dark knight for Rita and Debra...A force unto his own, yet the protective one who will let no harm come to those he loves!That's the thing with anti heroes, they may seem like a dream, but living with them is another matter all together.
      Yes, this is me cribbing about me living with an anti hero. It is almost impossible, half the times you don't know what to expect. They will be sweet when you least expect them to be, and when you do need them, they are off doing god knows what! I am learning to just be and not ask. I am also learning to not hold on, but letting go seems so hard. Maybe I am doomed to be Kay or Blair but I hope to be Elizabeth! Can't fight the fairy tale in me even though I live with my anti hero each day...

Bucket List: Books i want to gobble before I die

                      I am apparently a very deluded individual, who has somehow managed to survive years on end believing that she is an avid reader. Seriously, I used to think that I read enough, and that because I thought this, I also assumed I knew a lot in the life. The latter delusion cleared much faster and it is only now that it is dawning upon me that I have not even scratched the surface of the whole universe that is called books.
                     Reading plays, literature, some very famous classics, some not so famous non fiction was my idea of being well read. I would now like to clarify that I have only read a little more than some people I know, and have a whole lot to cover before I come even close to many many others.

                   My interest in books has been there since I was a child. To repeat the cliche, it provided me with a  parallel world which I could loose my self in, my shield during tough times. Well, I am at that stage in my life, where I would like to stop living so much (because, believe me, I do live way to much!) and start giving them as much attention as they truly deserve.
             
                         I know, many will assume that I am running away and hiding again with books, but for a change life is good (I hope I won't regret these words later) and I would truly like to give Books their due and the respect they deserve. I saw the movie Fahrenheit 451 which reflected a world where books were banned, where they were burned and where knowledge and free thoughts was a privilege few were able to enjoy. I want to be able to do it while I still can. I want to be able to read books which I want, even if they instigate violence, because they will make me think, will make me question and I deserve that. So does everyone else which is why I would recommend everyone reads.

               I am now going to undertake a bucket list of books, which I will read. My aim will be finish a book in a week or more depending on what time would do the book I am on justice. I also plan to now just keep posting my thoughts on each book. My first book, which I am about to finish is one which was recommended by my favorite person on earth right now, and what a book it is. Hang on for my thoughts on the Godfather (yes, I can't believe I hadn't read it till now!!!!) in my next blog....
Read on

A day off: things I look forward to...

               The best part of being a grown-up (which I in no way am!) is the day off. A day off is a day I spend with myself, no socializing, no work, no pending assignments, just a day that I spend with myself, being me! On a day off I indulge in the things that give me most pleasure like drinking hot, smooth chocolate on a cold winter evening, taking a walk after heavy showers in the morning when the whole world is sleeping, discovering an old note in your school shirt after years. A day off gives me time to indulge in the things I just don't get time for otherwise which I enjoy the most. The things on top of the list are:

Lazing in bed: I know for a fact that this is something most of us enjoy, but I am not talking about just getting up late. I am talking about just staying in bed even after you have gotten up. Just lying here, hearing the silence about you, watching the sun filter through the curtains, hearing your own breathing, all of it! I think I take it to whole new level where I just stay there all day and only get up the nest day (if I have to) or at times even for three days at a row. I climb out, very grudgingly, for my necessities, and climb back in as quickly as I can! A day in bed is the best favor I can do to myself!

Taking a long long bath: It sounds crazy but have you ever just taking a hot shower during winters where you just stand under the water and let it kind of seep through you? I just love the way the water feels, I think in the shower, I sing, I still make bubbles with my soap, watch how the water trickles and makes shape on the floor. The other day I came out and saw 32 miss calls from my friends. When I called back one screamed- "maar gayi thi kya? (did u die?)" and I was like no, was just having a bath! They tease me about it, get exasperated, but believe me you, there is nothing as calming and enjoyable as a bath, and I love it when I don't have to just rush through it on a day off!

Cooking up a storm: I am a foodie, and I love spending a day in the kitchen just cooking. I usually get no time to cook and end up eating take away or something I pick up from the college canteen. I love making food for myself and my friends on my day off, mixing ingredients, creating new versions of the same recipe and freaking my mother out by leaving the kitchen in a mess. The smells and the sounds of kitchen make me smile and I usually sing and dance around while cooking. The feeling of strumming notes on a spatula as you sing tunelessly is priceless and I love just watching food transform itself from scary green mess into welcoming treats and of course it gives me an opportunity to add cheese to everything! A day cooking is just yum...

Spending time with people I love: The worst part about growing up is that your days just fly off and I barely get time to spend with my family, friend and lover. In fact it seems like I am usually running from one task to another or from one crisis to another. A day off allows me time to relax, not worry about what else can go wrong and just spend time with people I care about. I just throw a party, meet friends after ages, find time to feel all melty and goeey inside as I spend time with Him and just laugh and talk about what-not.


Watching old films: This is without a doubt one of my favorite things to do on my day off. I know watch new films is so much fun, but what I enjoy to my core is watching movies I have seen a thousand times and more, where you can just repeat the dialogues along with the actors, the dramatic music, the intense looks. The feeling of familiarity extends to me a sense of belonging and is a remembrance of the times past, of my childhood, of simpler days and I love revisiting all of it with these movies.

Exploring Unknown places: Over the past few years I have been living in different towns and I have a habit of trying to find out what where is in the city. I usually go out exploring, be it with friends or alone on my days off, just to get a feel of the city and also to ensure because I do seem to have itchy feet. I just walk around, take local transport and eat crazy street food (believe me, there have been days of regret due to this!) and it just allows me to feel more at home in the city in the long run. This is something that I would recommend to everyone who are living in a city about which they do not know much. Go out and explore and in most cases you will be pleasantly surprised.

All these, along with reading books,  and driving my parents crazy with my siblings are my favorite things to do on my day off. I doubt if I will ever get over these things, and wish I could indulge myself more often!

Valentine Kicks: being with someone...

           



 With the start of the Valentine week, most, if not all of us are excited. When I was a child I used to dream that when I grow up I would have prince charming who would sweep me off my feet, sing songs for me, buy me chocolates, and make me wanna go"aww". This year my father reminded me it's Rose Day and I realized, growing up has left me disillusioned and kind of sick of love. So the following post is going to be about the five important men in my life, excluding my dad and my brother of course! And I refuse to mention Hugh Jackman and Johnny Depp, whom I have adored since time immemorial! Now that I have mentioned them, not to sound overtly star struck but "dear lord" *melts inside*!

Coming back to the five men, they are totally different and signify the five type of men that are responsible for my new found cynicism where love is concerned.

The goof-up: My closest friend, my confidant, the person I call when I need to figure out how a boy's mind works; and he tells me that "like duh...it doesn't". He is the goof up, the one who likes a girl, and then stares at her. I am sure each girl has one such guy in her life, who likes her, but who also creeps her out. Let me tell you, he is just lost, he really likes you, but you make him nervous and thus he goes all creepy and weird on you. In fact, if you get to really know him, u will realize that the reason that he usually makes weird noises and says something silly is coz he is nervous as hell, and does not know how to act around you. Give him a chance and you just might be pleasantly surprised!

The jerk: Okay, this one most are well acquainted with. He is the one who looks like a Greek-god, or thinks he does; with an attitude that is should be your first warning to run for it. He usually will pursue you, and the more you refuse, the more he will persist. But, the catch is, as soon as he knows that you are into him, he will start with the excuses of being stifled, "no space" in the relationship, "we need a break" and tra-la-la. He has a shelf life of 6 weeks to 6 months, and knows it. You are better of without him, and if you can't figure out whether your guy falls in category or not, just see if he comes back as soon as start feeling better and messes you up again. If he does, head for the door!
The bad boy: Oh, this is my favorite kind. The one with the wild hair, the come-here smile, the devil-may-care look in his eyes and a voice that makes u melt inside. He is the perfect kind to go around with when you know you don't want to commit. He is fun, knows how to make you laugh, all the other women are jealous of you coz you have him, but beware, you can't get serious with him. He will run at the first sign of commitment, or involvement. He can be a friend, a confidant, but never your partner; and that's when the gig gets old. Perfect for a fling as he takes you around town on his bike (I do love a bullet!), the bad boy is your ticket to making yourself feel better.
The owner: This one is by far the worst type of guy you can land. You are believe me the most unlucky of the lot. Not only is he the most possessive person on earth, he will treat you like you are his property and he owns you outright! What time do you sleep, what you wear, where you go, who you talk to, what do you eat even your friends, everything will constantly be on his radar. He will be worse than your parents when you don't answer his calls (and that is saying something!). He will call you in the middle of the night, expect you to drop plans just because he wants to meet you and it will feel like he is taking over your life. His friends will be your friends, all your sentences will begin with, "when we were..." and even your thoughts will be taken over by him, be it in love or fear. The only thing I can say about him is STAY AWAY!!!

The spoiler: This one is by far the most dangerous. Not because he is bad, in fact he is the opposite. He is good, too good. He is the only one who can leave a permanent mark on your psyche, leave you an emotional mess and feel like you can't be without him. He will be your friend, your support, your rock. He is the type of guy that girls want, what the films and books we feed upon since adolescence talk about. He is the one who will hold you on cold nights, make you coffee in the morning, sing you to sleep if you need it. He is also the one who will spoil you for other men. After dating him, it will difficult to just move on. You will keep comparing others to him, and no one will match up. The only thing that you can do when you find him is, Keep him. <3 <3


So, Happy Valentine's Day. Mine is filled with classes I don't want to attend and late night movies which I will sob through till it reaches it beautiful and very very romantic end! 

Belonging: something which seems to elude me...

       
      In the 21st century we have move past the boundaries of space. The whole world is open to us; we can read Russian literature in the language of our choice, learn how to read without ever taking a class and get information about any corner of the world (how reliable the info is, of course, no one knows!). The best or worst is that the whole world is open to us for exploring, and we are exposed to all it's elements, good  and bad.
               What really fucks me up though is that in this rushed era, no one really belongs. I grew up in a city from which I am miles away, studied in one which I doubt I will ever return to, and will most probably work in one where I knew no one six months ago! In the middle of all of this, I seem to have lost my sense of belonging. Am I a bengali? No. I am not, i can barely speak the language without all bengalis within earshot cringing at me killing its rhythmic patterns with my crude pronunciation. Am I a UPite, where according to my parents my roots lie? No. I have been there for a total of a 100 or less days of my life of 22 summers. I am the cosmopolitan mix of big cities, books and cinema fed to me by the global media and corporate hooligans.

          I used to think that I belong to places, to memories, to my home in Kolkata, to little lanes I used to pass by on my way back home, the food that I eat, the laughter that rang out, the tears I cried in the middle of any sob story or chick flick that I might be digesting. I used to believe that I belonged to myself. I used to believe I belong. I don't anymore
             I caught a movie with my friends recently, a chick flick which was a "ball teaser". But, what will forever remain in my consciousness is not the not-so-predictable ending, the to-die-for clothes and air-brushing, the crazy ass songs, but the fact that the more flighty character in the movie, (which is the lead female of course) belonged more than the organized mind and soul of the lead male. The movie might be a hit with loads due to it's fun factor, it's message or any other random reason which I am just to stupid to notice; but for me, the movie is about just finding a place to belong, to be yourself, for you! Just you.
           That is the place that I want to go back to, a place where (and here I will steal a line from one of the poets I don't really "get", Rabindranath Tagore), the mind is without fear. I have been there, I know it exists; I have just managed to, in the process of growing up and learning more, lost my way! It is the place where I belong and it is place that I will go back to (hopefully soon).

Ruins: A remembrance of times past

Walking down the road on which I once lived,
Knowing that You are no longer there,
Knowing that the laughter that held it all together has disappeared into the darkness;
Knowing that the warmth has given way to the damp of the chilly wind;
Knowing that the river has now sullen with pain;
Knowing that the tree is groaning under the weight of the world;
Knowing that the train that passed through no longer whistles a happy tune;
Knowing that no bird visits for it's morning bath here;
Knowing that no letters come, neither the postman;
Knowing that the bark of the dog no longer breaks the peace of night;
Knowing that no leaves rustle to add music to the day;
Knowing that no flower smiles, no one is there...

I walk down the road that seems so old, but for me is so new
Knowing that You would not fight me for me, as I fight you for you!

Mumbai for me is...

The blind curve, with something silly or serious ahead...

The road with endless possibilities...

A bunch of different but amazing people...

An archway of peace before the chaos of life...

A heritage of earlier times...

A leap of faith

A place to be with others...

XIC

Breezy evening...

Ganpati ofcourse...

A mess made by humans...

A place of power...

A place with many opportunities...

Commercial hub of the country...

CST and its colors...

Stormy...

A concrete jungle that never sleeps...

A place of worship

A place of fantasy

A place for fashion...

A place of warmth

A place of dreamy sunsets...

A place of laughter...

And of tiffs and mischief...

A place to stand out in a crowd...

 A place of love and friendship...

A place of color, golas ...

A place of hopes...

A place where I can just be me....Crazy, Childish and Candid!