A need to change: A need to let me be!

                       From candle light vigils to media campaigns, from the glamour world coming out on the streets to the mournful reassurances of the political leaders, from Parliamentary debates to street side vandalism; the past two weeks have seen it all. It all came to an end, of sorts, on Saturday (labeled Black Saturday by some), when the girl who was the victim of the heinous act passed away in the middle of the night. What bothers me is not just the incident, not just the massive protest that followed, not even the questions that were raised by Abhijit Mukherjee on the nature of the protesters. What bothers me is that behind all the chaos, there is a mentality that still lives, quiet and stable.

                            The incidents of rape have not increased or decreased in the past two weeks. Yes the media today is floated with more incidents of rape than usual, but given the furor in society over the topic that is only to be expected. They feed the need of the hour, fueling the temper, as the who's who of the society demand changes to the law. The Government is scrambling to give in to the demands of the crowds while also maintain the constitutional stability of the structure. Yet, at the root of it all lies the problem that rape is considered in various perceptions by most, and the opinion is so varied that it not only shocks, it feels incredible to a simplistic mind like mine.
                   Perhaps the reason why the arguments seem so incredible and ludicrous to me is because I can never comprehend this act as anything but animalistic. The thought of one's space being so brutally invaded, the thought of being subject to the touch that not only abuses but also demeans, snatches one's selfship over own body; makes my skin crawl & perhaps that is the reason why I can never approach the subject with the casualness that most do. Given my natural aversion to the discussion of the subject. it is unlucky that I have been unable to escape this topic. But what is worse is that I have had to tolerate the various justifications that have been stated.
                 The most shocking statement that I heard was from a friend on the cool Christmas eve, as we sat under the trees and enjoyed a meal together. "I think"- he started quiet confidentially, "that not all, but almost 70% of the rapes are consensual." Apparently my aghast expression caught his attention and he rushed to explain that "Not all of them of course, but yes quiet a few. I mean how is it possible that one man can rape a woman who is not willing?"

This wasn't coming from an uneducated man, nor one who was conservative in his thought process. I wondered whether this is what the world has come to, a place where the leading patrons of society finds the idea of rape so alien. Another, an MBA spoke about the mental capabilities of the rapist justifying that one doesn't know what the rapist have been through, the life experiences that led to the act. Even if one was so inclined to look into the psyche of a rapist, I doubt one is inclined to excuse the act, no matter what they might have been through. For me, there is no excuse for one man or four men using and abusing another human being.

               What today needs to occur is not a change in the laws alone, but a change in the mentality of how we approach the system. One out of every five women you meet has been abused or molested in some form or the other. The statistics do not support our society, the views shock, the cases only make them worse. The movement, the reaction, all add to the growing need for reforms. Not only the men, but also the women need to look at our approach to the basic freedom of a woman.

                 I wear shorts, I wear skirts, I drink, I smoke, but I also wear a saree, enjoy celebrating my festivals as much as I enjoy a night out dancing and I deserve my freedom, my life. 

I deserve me. 

Work place and people

               I have not been able to write in a pretty long time, work has been crazy and I have been lazy. But, I am back. I have been so preoccupied that I have just stopped thinking, being and functioning. Work seems to have taken over life, and I am not really allowed to blog about work. Yet, this one is about not my office but some quirks of office which we all have seen, at least I think we all have seen.
The lazy one: Okay, so I work at this over the top hyper organisation, where it is always go, go go! I guess everyone feels like this about their respective job, but mine is truly crazy (and I love it!). Yet, in the corners of each department there are these figures who you see, sipping at their coffee, laughing at some joke, messaging, tweeting, keeping their nails clean, fixing their make up or scratching their balls! Theses people have some basic characteristics:
They always come looking for work, once everything seems to have calmed own, and the work has been pushed out;
They always seem to have disappeared when you are short of hands and there is a dire need of people;
They always seem to slip the net at the time of trouble;
And most importantly they will always seem the most alert when there is a boss around!
These are the worst sort of colleague one can be stuck with, and I luckily don't fall in the direct contact with any of them. I think I would have reached my boiling point much before and like a lot of the unlucky souls would have become a more cynical person!
The silent worker: This is my favourite kind! The quiet one who does all that needs to be done and more. This type is the most reliable of them all. Someone who comes in to give their hundred percent. This is the most unfortunate breed of workers, because they are the backbone of the organisation, and sadly they are also the least appreciated of the lot! The basic way of recognising them is to look for the one who is the most quiet, whose work is usually finished before others, and whom the juniors turn to for advise, and the senior turn to with instructions! These have been the most helpful in my field, and unluckily I do not interact with them either. These are the type of co-workers that all us wish we had, to save our ass, if nothing else!


The gossip: This one everyone knows. Just follow the whispers, the shrill laughter or the snide looks and you have discovered the gossip. They are like an epidemic, you find them everywhere! The pantry, the computer, the smoking zone, the corridor, you never know when or where you might run into one. You might here gossip about people you don't like, but remember they will also talk about you! no one is too big for their zone of speciality, and if you ask me, they are not even worth it! keeping a safe distance is the only option here.

The obsessive one: They exist just to make you look bad. They are hard workers, but do not confuse them with the silent workers. Most of the silent workers work below the surface, and go unnoticed by most. These are hard workers, thy are amazing, but they are also too much. They have lost the line between work and obsession. The best way of recognising them is that the characteristic red eyes, an almost dead social life or the complete lack of one, the way they get enraged over the slightest mistake, and the fact that they are amazing at what they do. You want to be like them, but it is not only hard, it is impossible. The obsessive lives, eats and exists on the work. The friend circle is at work, the best times spent are at work and you know that when they are at it you will see wonders!

The support: This is the group that you adore. The ones you call and whine to at the end of the day, who you take your coffee breaks with. If you are having a bad day, a quick trip to the pantry with an amazing bitching session, a message, a bbm and you are set. The people who make you smile. The attachment that you develop is mostly based on similar viewpoints, and in my case, food! Also, this group is special in your group of friends, as they comprehend the complexities of your problem and they turn into some of your most trusted and adored friends!

IMPASSE: Beginning of a new day

                        Imagine walking into office, and the first words you encounter is IMPASSE. Now imagine, that this is after a week of indecision; a week of trying to decide whether you should or shouldn't, could or couldn't; of looking for a place to stay (as I happen to live in a city that is perpetually in a state of real estate crisis); and a week of no sleep, food or rest! Yes, for me it was a sign from the lord above! Seems like I am ranting, no? Well I am. But what I wanted to get as was, how much do signs matter?
                          Do you believe in signs? A book that almost everybody recommends tells us that there are signs around us at all times, telling us what is going to happen, and it is up to us if we want to read them or not. Whimsical no? Serendipity,a movie that is famous (whether it is a chick flick or not, is another matter), is made on the concept that the universe gives us signs.
                        If it were true then I just bury myself for the coming few months. All the signs around me have been the same. Everything is topsy turvy, nothing seems right. I have always been on the wrong side of the obvious and lately it seems to only have worsened? So is it a sign that I was destined for a mess from early on? Should I just give in to this state of perpetual confusion, where nothing is static and everything is subject to change?
                        Questions, questions, and no way of knowing the answer! I guess only time will be able to tell!!!!

MEDIA: No longer a free word?

                              When was the last time that you heard someone talk about too much freedom of the press? Yesterday? I hear people complain about the same everyday! My parents, friends, even my doctor has something to say about the topic. It maybe because that I work in the media that I can't seem to avoid the topic. It can also be because I live in a country where there is a constant struggle between what should be, what is and what the people really want. Today, the question of twitter being blocked came up again. I think it is high time that we ask ourselves: Is the media really free?
                               The censorship that seems elusive to most is not just a threat, it is omnipotent presence in the media. We live in dangerous times, where the voice of one can lead to a riot, where a footage can lead to burnt remains, where a simple protest can lead to death! The power of the media is not to be underestimated but should it really be feared? In a country with the population as large as ours, is it wrong to ask for complete and unchecked censorship?
                            The power of the media does have its ramifications, but the thought of complete censorship seems not only dangerous, but also completely in violation of the spirit of our nation. Many jokes have circulated, many voices are heard. The government finds it dangerous that voices which disagree with its basic decrees can be so freely voiced. From cartoons, to tweets, to messages, all are being monitored. But, what really comes across is the weak base on which our country is running. If a society cannot accept all the diverging aspirations of its people, then are we really free?
                       In a society where the media is preparing for citizen journalism, this though process seems conflicting, contradictory and redundant. I wonder how many of us would like our voices suppressed? Yet, if you need to feel that freedom, shouldn't one also accommodate the needs, wants and viewpoints of others?
                           The media is the fourth estate of any society. If the voice of the media is being suppressed, doesn't it tantamount to suppressing the voice of society? What our time needs is a more accommodating and tolerant outlook, a development of a deeper understanding and a re-visitation of the basic humane ideologies.  

Gaga: Not just born this way

                        No, No! I am not saying that she has picked up a persona, she is who she is. I am not a very big little monster (if you know what I mean), I am a fan. I love her music, I love her art (and yes, I do think that what she creates is art!) Lady Gaga, she is a visionary, I think someone I can see having the same greatness of Madonna. I am not comparing her to Madonna, Madonna is my god, but she (Gaga) is my religion.



                         



But this blog is not about the glamorous part of her, no way! I mean I couldn't comment on that. I am too simple minded for that. I am going to talk about her, the little that I know, and more importantly, why I like her. I fell in love with her with her first album. I will be honest, a friend introduced me to her, with 'Bad Romance'; and the first time I saw it, I was taken aback, shocked and not exactly pleased. But within 3 days, and I remember this distinctively, I was singing... "My lashes are dry purple tear drops I cry" in the loo while having a bath. She got me through some of the most difficult times of my life.
                     
 Most of the people in my life do not understand my craze with this female. Most find her an odd artist, weird and eccentric (and this is me being polite of course). In fact my own sister was not able to comprehend why I adore her. She has mocked me, asked me why I would ever listen to something that sounds like noise? My bf has made faces, my mother asks me why there is such a lack of clothing in her closet, and so on. I think I have painted a wholesome picture here. But there is a honestly about her that is just amazing.
                       

Let me tell you what got me started on this blog, she was on air here, on VH1. Her stories from her life were not over the top. What I liked were that they were simple, a thought about her dad, a story of being bullied, of not having a voice, of wanting to be someone, of struggle of growth, of survival. It resonated with me in a simple way. her language was not the obvious, yet simple. The way she could explain her emotions, you knew that she was talking about herself, not something that was made up by the PR team. Yes, I know it was to promote her new album but the essence was her. It was about her awkward childhood, her love for her grandmother, the simplicity with which she looked up to Beyonce when she was a nobody. It resonates with me. There is a difference between being drunk with power and telling your story. I heard her telling her story.

                 This is starting to sound really soppy isnt it? Lord, I can be soppy. But not the lady. She really is a 'Lady', and I think everyone needs to be a little Gaga. I loved it when she said "That’s how I get home, its this jacket". The fact that for her a memory with a garment is a sense of belonging reflects who I would love to be. Right now, I belong almost no where, but I do have my memories. This is why I love her, her strength to be able to believe "I am going to marry the dark", reflects her mindset. It is about what you do wwith what you have, and she is for me just that.













 That is why even in my boring political, half boring crazy existence I find her as one of greatest salvation. People wear jewels and feel proud, she ears her quirkiness, she dares to be herself, and there in lies her beauty and the source of admiration.   Listen to her vision, look at her lyrics, dare to be different, learn who you are, turn the world inside out and downside up and life will be fine. Mine is getting there. This one is about her magic, and hope you can feel it too :)
                          
 

Excellence: Is it all that matters?

                      Guess what I have just been laughing at? Three Idiots. The 'silencer' speech just ended and the whole 'these ideals don't work in the real world' deal! I love the movie, like almost all Indians. Then again I am one of the leaders of the  'emotional wagon'. But on the verge of starting my actual career, I do have to ask, how much is excellence worth in the 'real' world?'


                   
  To be honest with you, I have no interest in the whole over the top excellence deal. I don't really care whether I am an over the top journalist, or if everyone knows my name. I in fact am one of those people who likes her life in a certain manner, a job that pays for my needs and my dreams, people I care about around me, loads to eat, chocolates and books. But the problem with this is that most people tell me I lack excellence and that I am not really motivated. I lack a drive to achieve excellence according to most! Sad, I know. I might even agree with those who say this. But who is to say that excellence is the answer?

                     The person who most recently gave me a lecture about this is one who really feels that she is giving her two hundred percent to her job. And to be fair, she does. Here are the facts, she is well known in her sphere of influence, gets bylines by the dozen and is found quite intimidating by most. She also hates her boss, wants to progress further but is constrained by her personal and certain regretful practical problems and is a little lost in the personal sphere of her life. Another one I know who loves his job is fast losing someone he cares for.

                    Neither of them see it as a problem in their pursuit of excellence. But who is to say that their idea of excellence is the right one? I mean there has to be more to life than excellence at what one does. In a world of cut throat of competition (I mean even Paris Hilton has competition about being the dumbest blonde!), is there no one who sees that a sense of happiness is something that can lead to an excellent existence? Or am I the one who needs to open her eyes and realize that a blind pursuit of power and position (and I am not talking about the shenanigans that the Congress or Mamta is investing in) all that matter?

Guilt: A underhanded emotion

                        I love myself. I have known people who are obsessed with themselves. I am not one of them (sad as it may sound), but I do adore myself. So much so that I believe that I am a very self centered person (one of my close friends accused me of being so just the other day!). But there are so many in my life who believe that I have a whole lot of good in me and that I am wonderful (sounds like I am full of myself doesn't it?). Well, this isn't about me, it is about this emotion that I often find myself experiencing: Guilt.

    I dont know much about others but I usually feel guilty maybe 5 times a day minimum. When i was little and I used to go to school, I used to feel guilty because I could and kids living on the street couldn't. I feel guilty when I see that there are people who are standing in the rain and do not have a proper shelter. I am what some of my friends call naive, but I see it as humanitarian, but very honestly, I just feel guilty. I`feel guilty when some kid comes up to me at the signal and says that he/she hasn't eaten all day and is hungry. I usually give them food while this friend frowns. I can't explain it to her. Yes, some buy drugs with it, it is a scam and what not, but I just feel guilty.

                 I don't feel guilty for seeking revenge. That's my diabolical side I suppose. I feel a cold satisfaction when I see people who have hurt me suffer. But, there are a number of times when I find myself doing things I would rather not do because of guilt. I end up not getting some things cause I know how much people around me have sacrified for me to reach a position. I know a number of people whose actions are motivated by guilt. Yet somehow the world looks upon guilt as a very negative emotion. I wonder why.


      Not to hurt anyone's sentiments, but one of the world's biggest religion is based on the feeling of guilt. Your savior died for you, so how can you not follow? Sounds familiar? Now, I am not stepping on any toes, I really think all religions are equal. My focus is on this concept of repentance and guilt. One cannot deny that it is a very powerful motivator. Parents tell kids, we work so hard, all for you, why don't you study? I mean it is a guilt trip of sorts. You cannot deny it.

                  Then why is that as soon as someone mentions guilt, that I end of feeling that the emotion is negative. It has this sort of context to it, something that has been fed to me since I was child perhaps? I think it is an emotion that should be celebrated, it leads to repentance. It makes a person think, to feel bad and then motivates one to do something about it.
                    Yes, it also makes suckers out of people like me, but what can you say. We are very lovable for it, and maybe if you feel more guilty, if you could turn your mind around about the concept of guilt, then you will too be a lovable if a little gullible!