Sorry: Something I never really admit I am

                    How many of us have heard the song "sorry seems to be the hardest word" by Elton John??? For me it is. I am a very lucky person! I know, I know; makes no sense na? Like Ba of 120 plus years on Kyunki Saas Bhi kabhie series. Actually, mine is all connected, all evidence to the contrary, and in the following blog today I will try to explain both of the above and try to connect the dots for you (if you have stuck around with me this long that is!)
                     Starting with the latter part of my rambling, I am very lucky because I have someone who accepts me for who I am. He is perhaps the closest friend I have had, and in so many ways my soul mate.I don't mean to sound pompous or irritatingly arrogant, but I have a lot of friends. I am not delusional enough to imagine they are all true or non judgmental, or even through and through friends. Yet, I know for a fact that some of them are real friends, who genuinely care. But the person that I am talking about here is so much more. He understands me, is there for me when I need someone, who patiently holds the phone while I scream, crib, cry, whine, grumble and at times even yell at him (usually for things that are beyond his control and not remotely his fault!).
                 He is my rock, someone who doesn't judge me on my mistakes. Most must be wondering why that makes me Lucky, but trust me, we imagine that people aren't judging us, but we all judge. I'm not saying this is wrong, hell I do it myself. I judge a stranger, based on looks, pronunciation, body language, etc. I know also, for a fact that my friends judge me. I don't mind, they are human after all aren't they. He, on the other hand, doesn't judge, he never holds me on trail based on his outlook towards life, he just accepts me for who I am and loves me for just that. This is where I am lucky, as per my observations, mostly people are together (as friends, relatives, etc) in spite of a person's shortcomings, not without any judgement. This is according to me as close as anyone can come to simplicity in one's relation with another.
                      Simplicity too is something that he has taught me, and I hate to say it (which he knows just how much), but it has helped me more calm. It is only with this simplicity that I would now like to apologize to him. There is no particular reason for this, but for everything. I haven't really said this to him, never been able to for some reason. But I am truly sorry. For every time that I have taken him for granted in my life; for every time that I have not been there; for every time I have screamed at him for things that are not his fault; but mainly for realizing so late that he is (and hopefully will always be) my better half. It sounds corny and weird I know, (especially since I am saying it) but its true!.
                    I am a better person today because of you, you have given me hope, been there for me when I couldn't be there for myself and I hope that I have been not all trouble, and a little bit of the above for you. 

Trust: psychological reality

               Have you ever seen bags being passed over heads by hands, and at times even babies? Only those who have traveled on the crowded Mumbai locals in the morning would know what I mean (and that too if one travels in the female compartments). I can tell you when I first moved here I was so intimidated that I used to miss 6 or 7 before I could get into one. But with time the crowd started seeming friendly instead of intimidating. I can't imagine anyone just giving up their belongings, or their kids to strangers on a crowded train anywhere else in the world! Trust seems to just be a part of their daily routine.
             I was recently told that I trust everyone and everything and that it is weird or wrong or something. I don't see the need for the cynicism to be honest. I do trust easily and with time completely. It hasn't been an easy ride, just hit a rough patch yesterday. So? I don't think its left me broken. When one adds virtual strangers on Facebook, aren't you trusting them? Or say the whole filling in forms at banks and for these sim cards, one is giving out details, isn't it? Even with the elections, we trust someone with our whole country!!! How is my being a little optimistic hurting anyone?

              Moving to Mumbai was a leap of faith. I didn't know anyone, except for this friend who is too busy in his life to be around much. I today have an amazing group of friends, who will be there for me no matter what. I have some friends with whom I can chill and explore the city till the wee hours of the morning. Even in the locals, everyday I meet people who are friendly, helpful and (at times) the best advice givers. We never exchange names or numbers, but I know about their kids, they know of my dreams, they will even tell you the ticket prices for Essel World (590 fyi), and not care if I am short, fat, anorexic, rich or poor. Its the most non judgmental interaction I have ever had.

           I may thus sound like a fool, and there can be a debate about this; like the spat on Fb between Hindu and Times of India (TOI) on which is a better paper (by the way, I don't know about the better part,k but I do know that TOI is more read, as some people actually asked me what or who is Hindu!); but the reality remains that both viewpoints on trust hold true. If you trust, u do run the risk of getting hurt, and you don't you run the risk of really never seeing some amazing and simple realities of life. 

Survival: A social concept?

             I like to believe that I am a mentally stable and fit as an individual. How much of this holds true depends on from which viewpoint one is observing me from. I just came out of this class that echoes the concept of nature- "survival of the fittest". Over the past week, I have become extremely close to this person I knew in the past, and he echoes the same, that one has to do all one can to survive. "Live for yourself, not for the world".  I keep telling him that he is the opposite of being humble and a pain in the ass (which he truly is!). But that hasn't stopped him from growing close or really taken away from who he is as an individual. This makes me wonder, is life naturally about just fighting it out?

             In class the professor spoke about how the environment is all about survival of the fittest, and only the human society neglects this. All life on earth follows the same rule. Yet, we have had parties such as the Shiv Sena, RSS and others come out aggressive and fighting to uphold what is right. If fighting for one's beliefs and rights is natural, how can people be held up for protecting what they believe is their "way of life"? In most cases, such as the Mumbai riots of 1992, the Godhra kand of 2002, it has been observed that those responsible have till date not been bought to justice, and I highly doubt the capability of our system to ever achieve this.
            The point is not to question this, but I wonder what exactly is the nature of the fiber of our society? Is it the survival of the fittest, those who are smart enough to manipulate, who can predict the social movements or cause them? Or is it one where there is space for the survival of all, the intellectuals, the marginalized, the down trodden, and of curse the lost soul (aka - me)? I see the parties today from the Congress, the BJP, to the Shiv Sena, the TMC, and all others promise to bring a change, to protect and provide and then come to power and fail miserably. In the rat race to get ahead, garner support and gain power, the vehicles of our great democracy seem to be money, and those who can manage or monger it. Is this the nature of our society?
            If so, will it survive the test of time and the demand of the natural order? A number of questions and honestly, I can't seem to find it in me today to answer any of them. The upcoming elections to pose the same questions, in a much more simplified terms. I as a bystander will watch, as a citizen will hope, but mainly as an optimist will wish for a world, where humanism will overcome. In the book that I am reading right now Suketu Mehta says that the poor come to vote as they have much to gain or loose, and the middle classes don't bother much as the processes don't affect them much. Yet, with the scams, the inflation, the increasing incidence of corruption, the loss of faith in democracy reflects the need of the middle class to participate in the social activities.

         The agitation led by Anna might not all that the media made it out to be. But it did reflect the mindset of the society today. The common man may not care a lot about the society, not everyone is Bill or Melinda Gates, who can donate billion dollars for construction of toilets in Africa, or Mukesh Ambani spending 8.5 crore on his home, but ensuring a stable society is the good of all. The elections are effective, the Election Commission is a watch dog that helps and life can improve (with a little more participation and empathy on all our parts).  I hope to tell my "self sufficient" friend that my optimism and hope in humanity isn't misplaced. If he reads this, I'm sure he will call and laugh... and mock. But that is a risk that I am willing to take. No one wants to be alone, and I would like to see him be a little more optimistic too. 

Taking the leap...

Walking away from the shore, the waves sweep away my foot marks
Walking away from you, time swept away the times so dark
Running away from the sight of all that I know
Crawling into the unknown with nothing to save or show

Its a mess of reality, a treasure of dreams
A chaos of hopes, a silence which scream
A shadow, a scare
The violence of a storm, the gentleness of a mother's care

Running away from you, running towards you
Dawn waking up to the warmth, the night sleeping in the lap of dew
Here it all lies, not sure of what to do..
Here it all is, hopefully not my waterloo! :P

Cheap Tricks and selling out: Foreign Direct Investments & Bohemian Patience

                Growing up in the 21st century, most of us have realised that things are never as they seem. When one takes anything on its face value, one does so at his or her own peril. The recent introduction of the Foreign Direct Investment in equity has been packaged by the government as one which is productive for the economy and the industries of the country as well as its citizens. Yet, it has to be realised that no matter how attractive an inflow of  FDI may be, the outcomes are not as glamorous as the Congress would have us believe.
                Its a lot like a recent, for the lack of a better word, relationship that I got out of. It was again all glamor. Someone to talk to, someone who would invest time into me, just me. Yet, the consequences left a lot to be desired. In fact, it left me hollow in places that were initially whole.
              This isn't a ranting, but is me trying to communicate what I understood of the introduction of the FDI in equity in the best way I can. Lets look at the facts as laid out by some of the parties involved. The congress of course, pointed out to all and galore that FDI would bring in the necessary monetary support that is needed by the economy, so that the growth potential is reached. The Bhartiya Janta Party on the other hand opposed it claiming that it would weaken the economy in the long run, as the policy allowed for Foreign agencies to gain control of the market and therefore control of the industry. Is India therefore, not welcoming a rerun of what took place on Wall Street? Is Dalal Street going to be the next victim?
                     The same was asked to me, by my friends as I plunged into the deep end of the pool as far as the relationship was concerned. The person was known to be practical, a player, a self-praising, over-bearing (lets use it!) ass. But I was charmed by his suave moves, his smooth demeanor and threw caution to the wind.   Let me tell you, it didn't do me any good.

                       Coming back to FDI, the Left in the country, obviously, is opposed to it. But before we rush to say the Left is crying wolf again, lets listen to what they are saying. The fact remains that the control of the markets will go to the foreign investors as the FDI quotient increases. Also, the strain on the economy in the long run cannot be denied. The dividends will be drained out of the economy into foreign lands, leading to a bigger monetary crunch than what the country is facing today. India is unable to invest in other economies at the moment. In fact Indian traders have just recently been told to stay away from China hub after two traders were tortured. The government with this move has backed India into a corner. and it will be more than just difficult for the economy to recover if effective checks are not placed on FDI immediately.

                       I, unluckily forgot to place any checks on myself, and did unfortunately crash and burn. As usual, there was an agenda there, which I was too blind to see. The calls, the meetings all were a build up to absolutely nothing. Questions had vague answers with big words such as bohemian patience thrown in to keep me satisfied. It was only when I could no longer ignore my stupidity that I realized that cutting my looses was the best deal. My relationship wasn't a leather bag, it was a cheap Chinese imitation of one.
                        If our government is intelligent, our industrialists cautious and our citizens inquisitive, we might be able to "control the FDI" as our honorary Finance minister Pranab Babu would have us believe is possible.  Here's hoping it won't leave burn marks on the economy and effective ceilings and checks are placed on the FDI. A consensus is required and the economy needs long term responses not short term cheap saving like my relationship was.