livin with masks

                 With time, I have started to change, to comprehend concepts that were once beyond my understanding. As a child, I was always of the belief that my parents know the best, all strangers are kind, and the only meaning behind a smile is that of care and happiness. Today, I look back at myself and wonder, how was I so naive? Yet at the same time I feel a sense of relief that I was able to hold on to my pink-tinted glasses for so long. Working with the children in the field today makes me realize, how lucky I was to hold on to that part of carefree existence for so long , only today am slowly facing the masks that the world wears.

                     I am no great messiah, I do my little share to keep my from turning cynical, an escape route one may call it. But I was under the impression (weird and delusional that I am) that I would be able to escape my disappointing discovery of the world, and retain some of my ideals if I work with the kids, who would lend me their strength to believe in the fairy and the nymph. The help was there, but their strength is what surprised me.

                 I walked into a clean room, with bright color, and it reminded me of my nursery days. But it only took me one breather and a detailed glance to realize the difference and the (although I suppose this would not be the appropriate word for the feeling that overtook me then, because the essence can't be captured in words) ironical hope of the space. In the small clean room, there were similar posters of animals, flowers, fruits, accompanied by the proud display of the skilful art of yellowish suns, crooked houses and smiling objects from flowers to faces. But what the glance revealed was the peeling paint that they valiantly covered. The smiles of the children were bright, making me smile, but the dust covered feet, the tattered ribbons in the hair reflected the strength that they own, one which only children can boast.

                 As I started talking, telling them stories, I heard their excitement, I saw their joy at little words. Sitting there, surrounded by simple innocence, I realized that is the mask that I want to wear, one which is not fake, not unreal, but reflects the inner strength, they wear their life on their face, mask it with the smile that reflects life, hope, care, a sense of belonging, a fight, an unbroken spirit....A mask that is real, the mask of life!              

the changing colours

I am no writer, I am no thinker, in fact almost all my my friends believe that I am either eccentric, crazy or absolutely wacky. This is mainly the ramblings of a crazed mind which has too much to think about and nothing major to write. So, I guess all I am saying at this point is, the following will most probably be a load of hoedown, so read only if you are free and/or if you don't have an aversion for disjointed thoughts!
                  The world was a different place when I was growing up (makes me sound ancient!), or perhaps I was a different person. Either ways it seems like the life that I had led was never real but was only a figment of my imagination. The life that I used to lead was a more simplistic one, where I only wished for half an hour of cartoon & Maggie for every meal. Oops, I guess things are not so different now! :P
                   I still want to have maggi for every meal and watch cartoon. So perhaps its the people around me who have changed, or perhaps perceptions of people. A person is no longer just a name and a face, he or she is Muslim, a Brahmin, a supporter of the congress, a maoist, a driver, a millionaire or a wife.. Where did these distinctions come from?? Who made the rules?? And if these are the norms of society then how is it that we cant change them, aren't the norms a product of human thought and belief? Why is that one is still challenged because she is a girl, certain things are off-limits, certain lifestyles are forbidden?? A girl travelling alone at night is inviting trouble, but a boy travelling alone at night is considered normal. Why?
                We call ourselves advanced, then why is it that we still can't challenge the belief that, it is worth not birth that makes a difference? Reservation is a reality under different names in various nations, but if discrimination is not a reality then why the need? ARE we not promoting division through this?? The other day when I had a conversation with a friend, he asked me (and I think rather correctly so), if girls are equal, why are there reserve seats in a metro?

                       I think we need to change ourselves, not just our practices but also in our beliefs. People can only be friends if they can "hang", if they share the same beliefs, if they are 'compatible'. The other day I saw a man tumble and fall, no one came to help. Becoz he wasn't shaven, becoz he was old, becoz he smelled, becoz he was a beggar... but the fact that he was also human never occured to anyone. Are we not the descendants of Adam and eve, so aren't we all realted to each other?? I am an idealist, a dreamer...I have been mocked; someone who is very important in my life said to me that in reality  these words seem meaningless in everyday life, no one cares. I can't say that she is wrong, but I wish she was. It is human nature to be selfish, but it is also human nature to look for help, yet it saddens me to know that people are suspicious if each other. If you smile at a stranger, it is interpreted as strange. Try it, smile at a stranger, the reaction you will get can be extreme, either hilarious or insulting!

                   I would rather be a fool and still have dreams, I would still be kiddish and hope than be a grown up and live with no miracles, be a optimist than realist and lose my imagination. I wouldn't say that it has been a smooth ride with no problems, but there have been rewards as well. In fact there have been more disappointments, more tears than there have been laughs and successes, but, for me it has been worth it. I am a fool, dreamer, an idiot who is setting herself for hurt, but I am a happy fool, a happy dreamer and an optimistic idiot who is setting herself for hurt...
 Here's hoping for more of the same, for you and me,

A crazed mind!